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The dangers of random Web surfing

Posted on Monday, March 2, 2009 in humor

I began my reading with a random Wikipedia entry for the King Vulture.

King vultureNow here’s a creature I don’t want giving me the evil eye.

That thing over its beak is called a caruncle. I think that might be a my new insult for colorful, but creepy, people. “That Jack Nicholson is one freakin’ caruncle.”

I suppose the sentence really should be “That Jack Nicholson is one freakin’ vulture’s caruncle.” A caruncle is really the same thing as a wattle or other “fleshy naked outgrowth” per Answers.com. And wattles are just silly, not creepy or particularly flashy (except maybe to hens.)

I’m curious about this word and do a general Google search and things get disturbing.

I’m now learning of something know as a urethral caruncle. This can’t be good. Nothing that begins with the word “urethral” is ever pleasant. No vacation inn will ever be called the Urethral Breezes or Urethral Spa and Resort. According to eMedicine: “Urethral caruncles are benign, distal urethral lesions that are most commonly found in postmenopausal females.” Nice to know they are benign, but I’m about to enter menopause and now I have just one more thing to be scared of.

I continue reading and learn that “cases of urethral melanoma, tuberculosis, intestinal ectopia, and lymphoma, masquerading as urethral caruncle have been reported.” That’s one sick Halloween party. I wouldn’t want to make the costumes for that. So the caruncle is benign, but you can’t relax because it could really be something deadly in disguise. It good by some sort of super villain with his evil sidekicks, the Lesion League.

There’s an even worse description at WrongDiagnosis: “Urethral caruncle: a small, fleshy, sometimes painful protrusion of the epithelium at the meatus of the female urethra; it may be telangiectatic, papillomatous, or composed of granulation tissue.” Latin is a disturbing language, or maybe it’s just when we create our own words from the Latin. I don’t want to know that I have “meatus” in or on or around my urethra. I feel the need to go take a bath right now.

  1. […] going to go contemplate the word epoophoron. Like the word caruncle, I think it has insult possibilities. Some dude has claimed the word for his MySpace page. So […]

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