RSS Feed

Lucky me

Posted on Friday, July 23, 2010 in Me

Today I had lunch with a dear friend I don’t often see. She remarked that “everyone’s life is hard and I told her that mine felt pretty easy these days.  I reflected on this observation on the way home and realized that I have regained some of the optimism extruded from my soul during my last years at the institution where I worked.

I’m so excited by the lack of stress and repeated frustrations in my life. I feel like I should throw a welcome home party for my brighter side. I’m having to become acquainted with it.

But life truly is easy even with Mom’s dementia. I have to care for her, but I’ve gotten over the guilt of not having her move in with me and I haven’t had to put her in a nursing home. I believe she’s getting good care in assisted living. And she’s a delight to be around. She’s funny and agreeable, just slow moving and hard to clearly communicate with. She has not lost her core personality.

I have enough money. I don’t need a lot to be able to say that and I think that attitude is a blessing straight from my parents. I don’t need a lot to keep me nourished physically or emotionally or spiritually. I feel blessed that HabMoo is willing to take on the bulk of the bread-winning without rancor. I’m lucky that I have an education and skill that I can charge people to access. I can enjoy flexibility and open space in my schedule. And I find scrimping and saving to be a rewarding challenge if its not an impossible task.

My husband will be deployed this time next year, but again I feel optimistic. He’s not likely to fire a weapon unless he’s allowed on a shooting range. Our marriage is strong enough that I don’t have to worry about a year’s time being more stress than it can handle. We’ve been through it once and it sucks and it’s survivable.

I feel strong today and lucky. This makes for a rather boring blog post, but I want to be able to revisit this feeling when, as is part of the human psyche, I trip into frustration or despair and judge my life against others who seem to have it better. If I ever again get to the point where I feel like I can’t summon up any enthusiasm and I’m embarrassed by the personality people introduced to me see, then I can come back to this post and remember that this bright, optimistic and confident self is also a part of me. It’s resilient enough to return to my consciousness if given the chance.

Leave a Comment