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An awkward time

Posted on Monday, April 25, 2011 in Army wife

Today is probably HabMoo’s last day at his day job before he’s deployed. It’s hard to believe that the time is finally approaching.

I learned a little about how I’ve been coping with the upcoming deployment from Scientific American Mind. I successfully keep the actual date of the deployment very vague in my mind. Apparently humans see complex and difficult tasks as far in the future until you put a date or deadline on them. “Simply imposing a deadline reversed the mind’s relation between work and time. Difficult tasks loomed all too close.”

Now that I can’t quite avoid the date I’m gone into mode of coping with the anxiety of a difficult task near at hand. I’m wanting to get everything done ahead of time. I want to move HabMoo’s stuff out of the way right now. I packed up all his winter jackets before the last April snow and had to unpack them. I want all the paperwork organized. I want the workbench cleaned. I want the study cleaned up. I want him to take care of everything tonight even though he has several days at home ahead.

I’m also wanting to spend quality time with him. I want to go places and play games and watch movies and just hang off of him. Since I hate feeling needy like that I’m sure I’m pushing him away while trying simultaneously trying to hold him close.

I’m not so good about asking for help or even knowing when I need someone around since I’m typically very comfortable being alone. I’ve joked that I want his friends to keep coming over on weekends and hang out while I ignore them. I like having people around without feeling any responsibility towards them. So I’m getting clingy towards those guys, too.

I’m a little surprised that I’m not feeling angry. I could be angry at him for remaining in the National Guard. Or I could be angry with U.S. government for continuing to send troops to the Middle East. I could take my pick of all sorts of politicians to be angry with. But I’m not. I think I’m treating this war on a personal level more like a natural disaster. Shit happens and what matters is how you deal with it. You keep moving forward.

That’s what I want: forward motion. If he’s got to go, then let’s go as fast as possible so he can get back home.

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