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Day One

Posted on Wednesday, July 6, 2011 in Army wife, Military Spouses

My soldier boy is now “deployed”

At least in my mind, today was HabMoo’s first real day of deployment; I won’t see him again until he gets leave, probably sometime mid-winter. I am now a single married woman.

I gave myself today and tomorrow to feel blue and mope. But I woke up feeling much better than I have for several days. Even while HabMoo was home, I was anticipating his department and now that it’s here, I feel like I can finally pick myself up and begin my new routine. I unexpectedly feel competent and optimistic today.

This post is really just for me, in anticipation of the next deployment which will eventually happen. Here’s what I need to remember about the deployment-before-deployment:

  • I will miss him even while he’s sitting next to me. This anticipatory loss is sometimes worse than the real thing.
  • His presence will sometimes bother me. My heart thinks: If he’s going, why doesn’t he just go now?
  • I am no good at planning things when I’m not sure how his schedule will impact mine. But I should do it anyway. People will forgive me for screwing up dates and I need the support of others.
  • Friends help. Family helps. Pets help. A routine helps. Walking helps.
  • His family has their own grief that is theirs, not mine, and I don’t have to understand it.
  • Even if I don’t want to clean the house, I’ll feel better if I do.
  • I need a menu and grocery shopping plan for cooking just for me.
  • My husband is very good at expressing love in person and from a distance.
  • He’s also good at accepting, but not taking on, my confused feelings. Trust him and don’t worry about protecting him from your own feelings. He wants to be missed.
  • If the usual stuff doesn’t comfort (like re-reading favorite books) then try something else. This time it seems to be listening to books and cross stitching.
  • It helps to keep doing things I do only because he wants me to (like unplugging the coffee pot or turning off the car radio) because it makes me feel connected to him. Doing everything my way for a little while feels good, too.
  • When he comes home on leave, make sure to plan something you want to do and not let the schedule be completely dictated by his family, his friends, and his interests. He wants to do something for me, too.

 

 

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