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Features other animals have that I want

Posted on Saturday, November 19, 2011 in humor, Me

I could go down a tree face first!

When I was small I had freckles only over my nose and cheeks. I really wanted them to circle around my eyes so I could have a mask like a raccoon. I eventually got over that.  I don’t think I have the nose or cheek bones to pull that look off.


I also wanted a prehensile tail that I could use to carry things or hang from trees. I still think that would be awesome. I thought having a fly swatter attachment would be just perfect for the summer. Also still a good idea.


As I’ve aged I’ve wanted other things. Right now I want a nictitating membrane for my eyes. “This clear eyelid can be drawn across the eyeball for protection from debris, prey, or the dryness of air, similarly to regular eyelids.” Perfect. Why didn’t we evolve these? I could have the windows rolled down in the car, stand in the smoke of a camp fire, and never worry about snow blindness nor about how dry the house gets. Plus how cool would it be to roll your eyes AND close your nictitating membrane to show disdain?


I also want to be able to swim without really having to learn. In other words I want a swim bladder. I’ve never been able to tread water and I’m sure a swim bladder would be a tremendous help. I think this organ evolved into lungs in mammals, and while I do love having lungs, I don’t understand why I can’t have both. I’m not asking for gills after all, just a bladder that I can fill with air when I want to. And with the addition of the nictitating membrane I could finally open my eyes under water!

  1. Heehee. I read a science fiction short story or novel way back in the day where the main character had nictitating eyelids–she had evolved to have them because the pollution of the future was so horrible. I don’t think was the only person in the story with them–but that’s all I remember about it. May have to do some searching to track that down. Funny that that’s the only thing I remember about it–I remember thinking it would be so cool to have them. The tail thing would also be good. The swim bladder I could live without. Um, wait, I DO live without it.

  2. I’m going to add the ability to make webs, like a spider. That would make wrapping Xmas presents so much easier. Home repairs would be simplified. And maybe I could make myself a dress like the girl in Green Mansions had.

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