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Why I have cats, or what I’ve learned from my feline friends

Posted on Monday, December 12, 2011 in humor

by Kristeen Bullwinkle

  1. Owning a cat could reduce your risk of a heart attack by nearly one third. The finding was the main result of a 10 year study of more than 4,000 Americans by researchers at the University of Minnesota’s Stroke Institute in Minneapolis.
  2. They purr and I can’t. I can’t even roll my Rs. I suspect that purring is one reason for the finding above.
  3. They are there to talk to. Mostly I say things like “I just fed you. I am not going to go over there and touch your food so you’ll eat.” or “You didn’t mean to come inside? Was walking through the door some accident?”
  4. They make good morning alarms. They don’t always get the time right, of course, but they know how to make me get out of bed.
  5. One makes a good neck warmer.
  6. Another makes a good lap warmer.
  7. They let me know when my bladder is full.
  8. They act as bathroom guards when I shower.
  9. They make sure I don’t sit at the PC for too long.
  10. They act as interior decorators, making sure my tables and counters and desks aren’t too cluttered.
  11. They act as activity directors, suggesting pettings, brushings, trips outside, trips to the basement, etc.
  12. They are the world’s best ham detectors.
  13. Box and bag investigations.
  14. Clean clothes warmer.
  15. Doorman trainer. Mouse insists on being acknowledged with a pet or a comment before he’ll leave or enter.
  16. Vomit de-sensitization.
  17. Mouse keeps my earlobes clean as cat spit.
  18. Reflex testers. Most mornings I have to dodge out of the way of a kitty sneeze.
  19. Rubber band locators. I had to pull a rubber band out a cat I used to own. That was not pleasant for either of us. These cats just carry them to their food bowls. They never eat them so I don’t know why they think they belong in their bowls.
  20. Eddy has taught me that you can actually be too clean. If your skin in raw, you’ve gone too far.
  21. Even if it’s freezing cold outside, sometimes you still need to go out. That doesn’t mean you have to spend any real time out there though.
  22. You can have an entire basket full of toys and still have nothing you want to play with. Nothing beats playing with a real person.
  23. There’s never a time when some loving up is unappreciated.
  24. When giving love it’s important to pay attention to the recipient’s body language.
  25. If you want something, you need to ask for it. If you don’t get it, just ask again. And again. And again. Eventually you’ll either get it or you’ll get locked in a room. But the odds are in your favor.
  26. Independence is a virtue. Some people will respect it and a few dog lovers will be disturbed by it. And who cares?
  27. Sometimes you just need to act crazy. Such times will pass by quickly, but sometimes stuff gets broken.
  28. If you stare at something long enough, those around you will try to figure out what has your attention. This is more fun if you startle and then stare. Adding a little grunt before twisting your head around to stare is also a good technique.
  29. Stretching is wonderful.

    Sometimes you just need to crawl in with your toys and sit on them like a dragon on his hoard.

  1. I so so so love this.

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